What does Europe mean to you?: 9

Well here we are again, the annual opportunity to choose an anthem for the Durotriges Big Dig archaeological excavation to be played loudly (and constantly) across the site tannoy system and in all site transportation in order to motivate, inspire and infuriate (in equal measure). Other people see the competition as 'the Eurovision Song Contest'. We, however, know the truth.

This year the choice has been made particularly difficult by how seriously all participating countries are taking the competition: this year they are no trumpets, no trombones and no fur-clad, fire wielding, baggy-trousered maniacs 'hey-hey-heying' their way across the stage (well Greece came close, bless 'em, although they didn't make it to the final)

although there is a song about Soviet-era atrocities committed by Stalin in Ukraine.

OK so the usual collection of bizarre, non-song related accessories were on show in the semi-finals, like a woman from Moldova serenading a cosmonaut

an Israeli couple strapped to a spinning wheel

a Russian man nailed to a wall

some Cypriots in a cage

a near-naked Slovenian man stuck to a slanty-pole

and a completely naked man from Belarus patiently teaching a wolf how to fly

(that bit may have been lost in translation).

But, is there a song in the semifinals, or indeed the Grand Final (where the host country Sweden and the 'big five', comprising the UK, France, Germany, Spain and Italy, all join in), that could legitimately motivate 120 archaeologists to shift vast quantities of soil in record time throughout May, June and July? Well, it's the Grand Final tonight and, after all the votes have been counted, drinks drunk and nibbles consumed, the winner will be announced...

...just don't hold your breath - it may take a while